so worked out that im clingy, its not very nice, but at least theres a name for it and i can do something about it. i remember being like this with Clint, how sad is that. i remember living in bank street, so this was not long after i moved over and i was home alone a lot because he was off drinking with this mates and i still didnt know to many people. cried a few times about it, dont remember thinking id made a mistake moving over. i was just so in love and thought he loved me, little did i know ey. i remember buying our first xmas tree by myself because he was playing touch and he didnt invite me down. and i remember feeling like i do now with marc. kind of a hopless feeling, like im out of control, like i have to hold on tight or it will disappear. and i remember that i felt like that for a long long time, i remermber one friday it must have been, i had had chelsea and for some reason things werent going to well, maybe she hadnt been sleeping cause she was in the push chair. he came home and dropped his car off and cat picked him up to go back to work for drinks. i remember asking him … crying not to go, but he left anyway. so the more he did that the more clingy i got. with marc, hes very independant and i dont know how to deal with that. i got use to clint needing me, not necessarily wanting me but needing me and now i dont have that. tony needed me which is why i wasnt clingy. marc doesnt need me, he wants me haha far out. but in saying that he also wants to hold onto his freedom. i just haha i just i just i just, im favourite saying for myself at the moment. i would like to overcome my clingyness and be independant emotionally. im independant in every other aspect of my life especially physcially, when it comes to emotionally im not, especially in relation to men. it does help to understand me and why im like this, it helps to understand why marc and tony have come into my life and why marc has come back into my life. he wants me and i still have a lesson to learn. it will take time to overcome it tho. but i can help myself and i intent to do that, read my book again. spend some time alone, do stuff by myself. i want to go shopping again, should do it by myself. thinking about going to kaiaua tomorrow night, im in two minds about asking debbie to come. im kind of thinking i need to go by myself, do some thinking. positive affimations work too ‘i love and approve of myself’ and im going to look at doing that class with marion, heal the inner child. hopefully that will be helpfull. will have to get details. t
till next time, good night